Okay... So I survived the first four days of work. They went surprisingly smooth. Should be a good year.
Tuesday was a rough night. As bad as any day last summer. There was depression and anxiety and just plain fear. Part of it was b/c I was exhausted. I always get a little anxious before the first day of school. Kinda like how you're skiddish around dogs once you've been bitten. I worked in a horrible situation I am terrified of repeating.
Another part of it was my sister freaking me out over my mom. The radiation is finished. But she seems to be getting worse not better. She suffered second degree burns and is tired all the time. She doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. It's not good. It was the first time I actually realized that my mom is really sick. She never acted it before. It was all so abstract. Seeing as that losing my parents is my one most paralyzing fear, I wasn't dealing very well.
Hopefully, someone doesn't think it was because of them. Monday night I had a long conversation with my "crush". I laid my cards on the table. I was told that he didn't see a relationship with me. I probably should be more dejected than I am. It's odd... We've gotten to be friends and I kinda like that. Once upon a time I thought we had nothing in common. But the more I get to know him, the more I think we are a lot of like. Neither of us is completely "grown up" or financially responsible, we have unhealthy habits, he's passionate about music and I am about baseball. I had to explain that I didn't see him as relationship material. I never have. All things I like about him would make me hate being in a relationship with him.
I just want one great fling while I'm still young enough to enjoy the spontaneity if it. So, learning that this little flirtation or whatever we've been having wasn't going to go anywhere didn't send me into my tailspin. Just wanted to make that clear.
I was however, having a self-pity party about the medicine I am supposed to take and all the medical advice I am getting about my high blood sugar.
Now, onto the Red Sox. Friday night's game was hideous. Pathetic. I blame Dale Swain, not the defense. What the hell was he doing sending Tek??? He's a catcher for pete's sake. I did enjoy watching him bowl over Jorge. Yesterday was just down right fun. Not even a Schilling fan. But enjoyed the performance nontheless. Today... wow... Wakefield pitched as good as you could ask him to. A career high 13 strike outs. But damn that Jason Giambi. Grrr... It's okay. Sox are still up by 3 games and the Yanks play the Devil Rays this week. Should get interesting.
It's also the 4 year anniversary of 9-11. Hard to believe it was that long ago. It seems like just yesterday. Between that and the devastation in the gulf coast. It's insane. Those people died in vain. We've all packed it aside and moved on with our lives as if it never happened.
How's that for an update????
Sunday, September 11, 2005
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