That time of year again

Okay... so I am heading to Boston in the morning. Been having anxiety attacks all day.

*sigh*

Boys... I don't get them.

Showing their stripes...

Okay... was I surprised that Johnny Damon joined the NY Yankees?? Of course not. I've been saying all season that it was going to happen. It's a good move on the Yankees part, although I am not sure of the length of the contract. They tend to sign old people to long contracts and then bitch and moan. Whatever.

I am happy, thrilled, elated, to see the Yanks gave Bernie a one year contract. It just shows what class Bernie has. He wanted to stay a Yankee. He could have gotten a little more money elsewhere if he tried. I don't think I could ever see him in any other uniform.

The Angels shipped off Finley.. to the NL (Giants) I will never see him again unless I watch the Mets.

And that could happen. More and more each day I fall in love with David Wright. He is the bright future of the Mets.

The Dodgers are picking up Boston's scraps... D-Lowe, Nomar and Bill Mueller. Crazy. I swear the shock of winning in 04 caused the ownership to lose their minds - letting Pedro and Lowe get away... Mueller, Nomar, Damon, Mirabelli, Millar... At least they had the good sense to resign Varitek. Now if only he had the pitching staff he once had. *sigh* It might be the Yanks in '06 for me...

My favorite players heading into '06:

#1. Jason Varitek (Boston)
#2. Bernie Williams (NYY)
#3. David Wright (NYM)
#4. Derek Lowe (LA)
#5. Mike Mussina (NYY)

Boys suck... throw rocks at them

Okay... so...

Number 1: Nothing is going on between Sparkly Paul and I. Unless someone knows something I don't. Just b/c two people are friends does not mean there's something else going on. This is not When Harry Met Sally. There will be no orgasms in a deli. Or anywhere else.

Number 2: Why is it the one guy I have no real desire to hear from is the only one being truly attentive?

Number 3: California apparently is the abyss.

Number 4: What happens when you get everything you want? Is it over and you move on to something new or do you start changing the rules?

When did I get self-esteem??? Must have been a birthday gift this year. I have made something I wanted happen. I was asked if I was disappointed or weirded out. And no. I wasn't either. That's the weird part. It wasn't weird. I don't even think I can explain. I am still processing.

Survived Thanksgiving and didn't kill any of my family members. Don't want to go back to work on Monday. I just want to fast forward to Christmas and New Year's.

Desperately need sleep.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I want to thank all of those who helped me raise over $700 for the Making Strides against Breast Cancer Walk. (Thanks to Judy for the awesome cards!) 

Happy Halloween!!!! 

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Grrr.... So I am without my car yet again. *sigh* I only just got it back last Monday. There was smoke coming up from under the hood along my windshield. Cars are more trouble than they're worth and yet we are slaves to them. I can't imagine NOT having a car.

Went to Boston this weekend. It was fun. Did Happy Hour and hung out with my cousin. Even washed windows. Our three muskateers (how the hell do you spell that anyway???) were down one. Apparently now that Kevin has a girlfriend, he's too busy to hang out with us. Whatever!

I HATE Halloween. I've never liked it. Ever since the 3rd grade when someone made me a princess costume to go with a friend's king costume. First of all, I had to wear pink and second, he got all the attention. I was invisible. I used to like dressing up like a little kid in pj's and carrying a teddy bear, hair in pigtails. I hate the stupid Halloween parade at work.

Lots of venting here, eh?

Music: check out the Brian Jonestown Masacre. If you live in or around Boston, check out Reaxis.net. They're playing this Friday in Somerville. I may be going. Haven't thought that far ahead. Plus the guitar player is hot.

Books: Who has time to read????

Movies: I think the last movie I saw was The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. California boy moved and now I have no one to see movies with.

TV: Alias sucks this year. I did read that Michael Vartan is coming back. Otherwise I see no point in watching the stupid show. I have five freakin' years invested in it. Sark is coming back as well. Speaking of Alias... I have been enjoying Kitchen Confidential w/ Bradley Cooper (Will Tippin on Alias). It will return after baseball. Desperate Housewives is not as interesting as it was last year. It actually annoys me. I want to slap the shit out of Teri Hatcher. Now, James Denton is another story...

Baseball: Well, it's the White Sox and the Astros. I prefer the Astros. Not so much Clemens and Pettite as Biggio and Baggy. Love those guys. I love that Gardner put Baggy in as DH in Game 1. Who cared if they lost when he struck out w/ runners in scoring position. He was rewarded for his tenure. I hate the White Sox. I HATE Ozzie Guillen. I think someone forgot to tell him that he doesn't actually play anymore. And I am pissed, I missed Robin Ventura catching the ceremonial first pitch in Sunday's game.

Okay.... in desperate need of sleep right now.

There's always next year...

*Sigh* Well... another post season come and gone. No Sox, no Yankees... I'd like to see the Angels and Astros go all the way.

Can't believe Columbus Day has come and gone.... Had a very social weekend. Dinner w/ Jay... Jen's birthday... visit to Pennsylvania... Need a vacation from my 3 day vacation. I am very excited about having off Thursday... Gotta love a Jewish holiday.

Now... do I complain about boys or baseball????

Found a cool site for DVD reviews. dvdsnapshot.com

I have been addicted to Seasons 1 & 2 of TJ Hooker for the past week or so. I can't get enough and Netflix is going too slow... I also watched an interesting documentary on the recommendation of my cousin and Kevin. Dig! It's the story of the Brian Jonestown Masacre and the Dandy Warhols.

I AM NOT HAPPY

Grrrr... the evil White Sox... and fuckin' El Duque.... So the Sox are out. Should we dissect it?

I blame pitching #1. When you go from having Pedro and Schilling as your aces to having Wakefeld (whom I love) and Clement???? Clement hasn't been the same since he took that line drive to his head. Schilling and his bloody sock are now an urban legend. Wake is consistant but still... and with no closer. Timlin is great, a real gamer... but he's not a healthy Keith Foulke. I've said it all year... Derek Lowe may have had a horrible regular season in '04, but in the post season, he came through... had a win, a loss and a save. He pitched his heart out last year.

Can Manny and Papi carry a whole team? True they've done it all year, but still...

Maybe it is true the old saying that the Sox are like Daylight Savings Time: Spring ahead, Fall behind.... They fought to get to the post season, but they shouldn't have had to. They had a 5 1/2 game lead in August. Sure, it doesn't help when you Captain, your starting catcher comes into September batting .299 and leaves bating .280.

Sigh... So, now I must root for the Yankees, but they are not making it easy. I HATE Sheffield, I HATE A-Rod, I HATE Randy Johnson.

As my cousin, the Fenway season ticket holder said, at this time of year, Red Sox Nation starts looking toward next season. But there will be even more changes for next season. Many more players will be gone... I think the sun has set on the Boston Red Sox... But it was good while it lasted.

Could really use a beer at Charlie's now.

Die Cleveland Die!!!

Sigh.... Cleveland needs to lose so that the Yanks and Sox make the post season. I hate Aaron F**ing Boone.

This weekend is guarenteed to give me an ulcer. I want the Sox to win. I want them to go to the post season. I would like to see the Yanks go to b/c, then it's interesting. And I'd love to see Bernie go out in the Post Season... but it would be VERY interesting to have a 3-way tie for the Wild Card. It would be even more interesting to have the Yanks eliminated completely.

I cannot believe September is over already. Next weekend is Columbus Day. Wow... We're going on a field trip on Thursday to the Farmer's Museum in Cooperstown. I love field trips. Survived "Meet the Teacher Night" this week.

Now... I don't know if anyone reads this... but I am addicted to Alias. I have watched it from Day 1. I own the DVD's. I LOVE Michael Vartan. I am plotting numerous ways to torture JJ Abrams. He's evil. Every season, he takes everything you've come to absorb and tosses it off the nearest bridge and starts all over again. It's aggravating. Vaughn cannot be dead. I will stop watching it. I think he's alive. And it's all a big secret to keep people watching. I think they faked his death and funeral to flush out his "killers". I hope...

Other shows I am watching this season: Desperate Housewives (although wasn't as into the Season Premiere... hope it gets better), Crossing Jordan, Las Vegas (I miss Nessa), Kitchen Confidential (Will Tippin from Alias!!!! And I just read Michael Vartan is going to guest star! Bonus!!!), Gilmore Girls, The OC (although it's on against Alias), Without a Trace, Apprentice, and ER. Oh, and I forgot, House. Hugh Laurie is very intriguing. I like his character and I've met Robert Sean Leonard - he came to Kingston when I worked on the High School's production of Les Miserables)

I am currently reading Faithful - by Stephen King and S. O'Nan. It's the recap of the Sox '04 season. Without having SPAC, my reading has been limited. This summer I read Harry Potter 4, 5 & 6, plus the 2nd and 3rd summers of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and finished A Conderacy of Dunces (highly recommend that one!!)

181 left

Okay... So I survived the first four days of work. They went surprisingly smooth. Should be a good year.

Tuesday was a rough night. As bad as any day last summer. There was depression and anxiety and just plain fear. Part of it was b/c I was exhausted. I always get a little anxious before the first day of school. Kinda like how you're skiddish around dogs once you've been bitten. I worked in a horrible situation I am terrified of repeating.

Another part of it was my sister freaking me out over my mom. The radiation is finished. But she seems to be getting worse not better. She suffered second degree burns and is tired all the time. She doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. It's not good. It was the first time I actually realized that my mom is really sick. She never acted it before. It was all so abstract. Seeing as that losing my parents is my one most paralyzing fear, I wasn't dealing very well.

Hopefully, someone doesn't think it was because of them. Monday night I had a long conversation with my "crush". I laid my cards on the table. I was told that he didn't see a relationship with me. I probably should be more dejected than I am. It's odd... We've gotten to be friends and I kinda like that. Once upon a time I thought we had nothing in common. But the more I get to know him, the more I think we are a lot of like. Neither of us is completely "grown up" or financially responsible, we have unhealthy habits, he's passionate about music and I am about baseball. I had to explain that I didn't see him as relationship material. I never have. All things I like about him would make me hate being in a relationship with him.

I just want one great fling while I'm still young enough to enjoy the spontaneity if it. So, learning that this little flirtation or whatever we've been having wasn't going to go anywhere didn't send me into my tailspin. Just wanted to make that clear.

I was however, having a self-pity party about the medicine I am supposed to take and all the medical advice I am getting about my high blood sugar.

Now, onto the Red Sox. Friday night's game was hideous. Pathetic. I blame Dale Swain, not the defense. What the hell was he doing sending Tek??? He's a catcher for pete's sake. I did enjoy watching him bowl over Jorge. Yesterday was just down right fun. Not even a Schilling fan. But enjoyed the performance nontheless. Today... wow... Wakefield pitched as good as you could ask him to. A career high 13 strike outs. But damn that Jason Giambi. Grrr... It's okay. Sox are still up by 3 games and the Yanks play the Devil Rays this week. Should get interesting.

It's also the 4 year anniversary of 9-11. Hard to believe it was that long ago. It seems like just yesterday. Between that and the devastation in the gulf coast. It's insane. Those people died in vain. We've all packed it aside and moved on with our lives as if it never happened.

How's that for an update????

The Rocket - in Troy, NY supporting his son Koby in his debut with the Class A Houston Astros affiliate, the Tri-City Valley Cats. Whoohoo!!! 

How???

My first real crush was in eighth grade. Kevin Stillman. He was in high school. I first saw him on the bus for All County Choir Rehearsals. How I made All County, I'll never know. He was tall, sandy hair, blue eyes. I used to find ways to look at him that whole year. Went to the school musical, timed my walk to Spanish 1st period @ the high school so that I'd see him walking to choir every morning.

Freshman year, my locker was coincidentally across the hall from his. I had the same lunch as his. I even got into his first period choir just to see him. I could never bring myself to talk to him. I just looked at him. I did all the stupid things high school dorks do. I even got his phone # and began calling him and the weird thing was, he always talked to me. Which to this day, I'll never understand. But I could never talk to him when I saw him at school. I was terrified. But still I had fun with it.

After he graduated, I moved onto his friend Tom. I wrote anonymous letters and whatever and eventually, Tom and I became friends. It was a weird relationship but as with Kevin, it was typically one sided. Upperclass guys humoring the crazy kid.

Now today's "crush" I've had for years. But it's not following the old script. It's so different that I have no idea what to do about it. I used to just observe from afar, believing we had absolutely nothing in common. I literally believed I wasn't cool enough to deserve his attention. We were always pleasant to each other, but again, I was just a kid hanging around.

Then somehow it changed. I became bolder. I found things to talk about, whether it was music or friends we had in common. And it wasn't weird. That's the weird part.

Over time, the conversations increased. Emails began, sporadically but still they were there. But it wasn't just conversations. He was someone I could be quiet around. There wasn't always a need to fill voids with idle chatter. Somehow when I wasn't looking we became, by most definitions, friends. That isn't how crushes work.

There was one time when, in the midst of joking around and trying to convince him to do my bidding, I had a hold of the front of his jacket and suddenly there were all these possibilities. If my brain could have shut off for one moment, I might have actually kissed him. For months I kicked myself for not taking the opportunity. There were many factors to consider and each of them ran through my mind, bringing me to reality. Then one night a few months back, bravery, in the form of Bacardi and Diet Coke, came to me and I decided I was NOT going to let an opportunity pass me by again. I firmly believed that I had nothing to lose. Nothing would come of it. It would just be fun to live out a fantasy. So I, not so subtly let him know what I was thinking and it led to an interesting little development.

However that development, my instigation of it, left me wanting a repeat performance. Would things be weird though? Would he blow me off? Had it just been a drunken little adventure? I wanted my questions answered.

Weird thing is, we ended up becoming better friends. More emails, more timely than ever before, a couple phone calls (I called him) and a whole new weirdass comfort level. I wasn't intimidated any longer. In fact, I became bolder and braver after that night.

Thing is, when we hung out again, besides getting more than my usual amount of time hanging out and chatting, I got a good night kiss. Not on the forehead or cheek and not altogether intense, but a kiss. HE kissed ME. I didn't instigate it.

Now I am completely thrown. Rationally, I know nothing is supposed to come of this. Yet all the old reasons why it was my ideal fling actually make sense now. Maybe nothing will ever come of it and it was just another fun moment, but now I see possibilies that weren't there before. I want a chance with him now. I never thought that way before. I blame him.

How did we get here? How did we become friends? How can I show him that we could have fun exploring the possibilities??? Somehow I don't think the tactics I used in high school will work this time.

Both Kevin and Tom are married now. I think Kevin even has a kid. They humored me... am I being humored now?? You tell me...

Girls Rule!!!

For the first time ever, Jen and I kicked ass at Mario Party 6. We beat Paul and Mike. I was in first until the bonus round when Jen got an extra star, but I don't care. We kicked their asses. Whoohooo!!!!!

The world must truly becoming to an end.

Settin' up 

Smokin' sound check 

My favorite cousin 

Let the rock begin 

Rock Club 

Sing Along 

Typical view of Kevin 

Damn thunderstorms!!!!!!!!! 

I'm following a Weiner mobile... Hehe... 

Harry Potter

Okay... 2 weeks ago I finished the fourth Harry Potter. Thursday I finished the 5th and Friday I finished the 6th. Kinda draining, I must say... Emotional even. I won't give anything away but wow.... I am looking forward to book 7.

In what seems to be a children's literature summer, I am going to read the 2nd Summer of the Sisterhood of the traveling pants. Should be a short read.

Rock on

Hmmm.... why oh why oh why???????????????????????

Must be why they call them crushes. And yet this goes much differently than the usual script of a crush.

Boston was fun. Rock Club was terrific. They had an ace roadie/sound check person. LOL Got eaten alive by bugs. My ankles look like I have the f'ing chicken pox, and it was hotter than hell but it was fun.

The Sox game that wasn't.... 6 hours and more rain delays than baseball. Saw Tek hit into a double play :-( Spent quality time with my cousin though. That's always good. Got to see the interesting Happy Hour people. Met the 3rd Castle brother. As usual Troy was well represented.

Now I am home... at least for a few days before I head on to PA. Mom is doing well. In her fifth week of radiation. It's going well.

We survived...

We survived.... Jamie and Matt are married. I actually managed to post the pictures in chronological order for once. We had a great time and we looked fabulous. The Grahams are just so great. Enjoy the pictures!

A Bagpiper!!!!! Whoohoo!!!! 

Here I am.... 

Jen & I 

Mike... with his smart tie 

The happy couple 

My two men... 

The Bride 

Mike & Jamie 

Mike's Home!!!!!! 

Brian & Chris... my dinner companions  

I don't even remember this picture being taken... Guess I was having too much fun 

If looks could kill... 

Jamie's in there somewhere...