Self Esteem

I had a chat with a good friend today about how my views of self-esteem have always been skewed. But tonight I found some in little ways. I chatted up a bartender (FYI knowing baseball comes in handy) and he gave me a drink on him. He was cute too! Then in another bar, I got hit on in the bathroom by a lesbian. Well, not hit on exactly, but she told me I was looking good in green. LOL

It's weird. I was reliving some of my old college days tonight and in many ways I am the same person. But that person was unhappy, suicidal and lost. I am not really any of those things and while I look at my friends who are happily married and whatever, I still would rather be on my own than with the wrong person. I am not as self-destructive as I was back then. But I am not as fearless ever.

Fear controls every aspect of my life.

I am afraid of losing my parents. I am afraid of what others think of me. I am afraid to act on my feelings for someone. But I am afraid of not acting on them and missing out on something.

I am afraid of repeating past mistakes. I am afraid of being stuck in the same place, same job, same rut.

And I know these are things I can change or amend as needed but I AM AFRAID.

I don't know....

Any suggestions?