Fixated

It's weird how something someone says can affect you. Last night I was told that something I have done was considered to be rude. In the grand scheme of things I shouldn't be upset by this. But it REALLY bugs me. Not that the person said it but b/c that's how they honestly felt. It didn't hurt my feelings so much as freaked me out that they felt that way about me. It was kinda a rude awakening, no pun intended.

Here's what I did... I changed the radio and turned off the heat controls in a car I was passenger in.

I know... I know... I'm going straight to hell.

I also realize that it was rude... but I must explain it in my lame attempt at defending myself. I have only done that in three other people's cars. I have never done that to Lauren or Jen or Melissa or Rick or Michael... I would never even think to do it. Now, most people know who me, know I am not a good passenger. I fully admit that. Ever since Shawna and I were in the accident back when we were @ HVCC, I am horrible. I search for the elusive break pedal on the passenger side, I clutch the Oh-Shit handles. I am completely uncomfortable.

The people I tend to play radio commando with are the people I have been riding w/ for the majority of my life: My dad - who doesn't change their parents' radio stations???? My sister - I can only take so much country. And Jason - whom I've been riding passenger w/ since we were 16. See a common thread? There's a comfort zone there.

Now while I may have done this twice (that I recall) to my friend, it was always without thinking. It was never meant to be rude. It was done in the same sort of comfort zone that I have with the others. In my ability to not be a horrible, anxious passenger, apparently I made myself too comfortable. And for that, I do appologize.

But now it has me wondering what else I do that pisses my friend off. For the past 12 hours I have been questioning all of it. Rationally, I know that I should let it go. We are friends and friends irrate each other from time to time. But now I am fearful that the bad opinion of me outweighs the good.